no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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