Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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