respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
