Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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