you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
