I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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