It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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