make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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