He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
