If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
