Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
