Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize