i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize