just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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