i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
