you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
