the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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