areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize