I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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