We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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