So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
