I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
