I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
