careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize