Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
