will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
