You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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