i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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