Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
