Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My pussy is not your playground.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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