That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize