I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
