mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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