I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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