i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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