I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
