I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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