So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
