I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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