I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
