so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
