I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
