her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
