capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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