i think i have two assholes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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