I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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