Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
