you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
