dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
