Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
