Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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