He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
