We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
