shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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