No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
