Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
