How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
