last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
