The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
