Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
