I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
