Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
