You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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