Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize