I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
