i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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