i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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