I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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