are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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